holiday cheer
by hobbsey
Summary: It's christmas break, and Skool has let out for ZIM and Dib. To blend in with the rest of the stink-humans, ZIM's gotta celebrate the holiday, too... but what is a 'gift'? And who do you give one to? [FINISHED!! ^^] R+R appreciated!
1. i will find a gift!

holiday cheer

It was a fairly quiet winter's night in the Membrane household. The Professor was nowhere in sight, probably off at work; Gaz was busy with her Gameslave II; Dib sat upstairs in his room, doing nothing in particular. He sat on his bed with a horror novel in his lap, but his interest was obviously someplace else entirely.

Christmas vacation had started only a few days prior to this snowy winter's eve, and nothing had happened at the house next door since Skool had let out. Now, under normal circumstances, this would be nothing to worry about. However, ZIM dwelled next door, and there had been no sign of a laser weapon or demon weasils for days on end. Something was quite obviously wrong.

So, Dib sat pondering possible reasons for the unexpected lull in activity. There was always the possibility that ZIM had finally given up conquering the Earth, but it was so remote that he didn't even consider it. And if ZIM'd been working on some "super-secret" hi-tech type weapon, there was no doubt that he would have heard of it by now.

Dib racked his memory for any sign of suspicion (other than the usual) that had occurred those last couple of days at Skool before the wonderful release, and Ms Bitters' typical holiday farewell of "I hope you all get rats in your stockings!" or something like that. Dib couldn't quite remember, it was getting extremely late.

He sighed and tried to bury himself in the book and the old, taped episodes of _Mysterious Mysteries _that were constantly running in the background. It worked for a few minutes – the tired mind flocks willingly to any distraction from the impending sleep. Unfortunately, the paranormal instances investigated by the MM host served only to bring Dib's mind back to ZIM.

He got up with a start and paced across the room, to the window. He threw open the shutters to watch the house, but there was no unusual activity at all. In fact, things were as quiet as you'd normally expect from a house at 2:17 AM.

Irkens, however, never sleep. And this made Dib wonder.

He stared at the house for awhile, hoping to find at least a rustle of a curtain, SOMETHING that would show even a breath of activity inside the house. He waited, waited, waited, and watched. There was nothing, however, other than the snowflakes falling gently to the ground and catching on the not-quite-yet-covered grass.

Dib closed the window and fed his lizard. His eyelids were heavy, and he knew someplace in the back of his mind that he needed to sleep. His body was beginning to give way – willpower is only so strong, especially when you'd been up for three and a half days in advance. He realized that the lizard was becoming buried under all the food he was putting into the terrarium, and put the box back up on the shelf.

The lizard's green head poked out from under the flakes or pellets or whatever they make lizard food out of, and stared, unblinkingly, at it's owner.

Dib squinted one eye, cocked his head to the side, and peered back at the lizard. It was green, undeniably, with huge yellow eyes.

Green.

EVERYTHING came back to ZIM.

…everything.

He sat back down on the bed and put his head down on his knees.

Everything came back to ZIM.

---

"This 'holiday' thing confuses ZIM."

The Irken Invader was seated in a swivelly chair amongst countless pop-up computer screens, all filled with Christmas research. The room was dark, and the light they emitted was eerie.

"It makes no sense to me, GIR. Why would humans celebrate something as unimportant as the birth of a smeet?"

He turned to his robot companion, who was banging its head against the wall and repeatedly screaming "BEES! BEES! BEES!" ZIM turned back to the screens and sighed. Three and a half days of research had gotten him nowhere. He still knew nothing, really, about this whole 'Christmas' thing – or nothing worthwhile. The stink-humans piled wrapped parcels under a dead tree and opened them. There was no such thing on IRK. IRK, after all, was not really much of a planet of celebration.

He rose from the chair and began to pace around the room. It was obvious by the fact that Skool had let out for a week or so due to this… this THING… that it was important to humans, and so if he wished to blend in, he would have to participate.

"GIR," he said to the robot, who had ceased banging his head and was following ZIM around the room, "If I were to give you a… a GIFT, what would you want?"

"Whazzat?" GIR said in a high-pitched squeak that sort of resembled cluelessness.

"A gift is when… when… if ZIM were to give you something for no reason at all."

"GIFT! I LIKE GIFT!"

"According to my research… it appears that worm-humans do as well. But to give a gift?! Such would be an unacceptable act for an INVADER of my prestige!"

ZIM drew himself up to his full height of around 3 feet, in mock bravado. He then slunched back over.

"I should consult my Almighty Tallest on this situation. They would know what to do."

"TALLEST!" GIR squeaked, running over to punch the large red button on the wall.

"WAIT! NO, GIR!"

The robot pulled to a halt and started banging its head against the wall again.

ZIM restarted his pacing. "If I were to tell the Tallest, then the Tallest would think ZIM was not worthy of invading the Earth! They would think I was incapable of coming up with such an ingenious plan on my own!"

He sat back down at the computer screen. "How would I go about obtaining a 'gift'?"

"I LIKE GIFT!" GIR squealed.

ZIM shook his head and proceeded to locate the nearest gift on his computer.

"WHAAAAAAT?! THERE ARE TOO MANY GIFTS! What to do, what to do?"

"If only I knew!"

Then a lightbulb illuminated in ZIM's head. "Dibsister went to a place called a 'Mall' to buy a Gameslave, correct?"

GIR nodded rapidly, and it appeared that his head would fall off if he nodded much more.

"Perhaps if I went to this 'mall' place, I could find a gift."

"YAAAAAAAAAY!!!"

ZIM walked into the endless darkness of the next room, and emerged in the kitchen, fully disguised. Or, as disguised as he was going to get.

"I will find a gift!"

---

author's notes:

this is totally different from anything I have ever written before. Ever. And it's kind of fun to write, even if it's not really up to any quality. Oh well. ^^;

just like every other damned fic on this site, the ZIM characters are © to jhonen vasquez, the spiky-haired master of the doombees. All I own is the insane idea for this thing… yeah.

Reviews always appreciated… [hint, hint]


	2. do you give a gift to random slime?

The wind rustled through the branches as Dib watched the neighboring house for any sign of activity. The tape of reruns had stopped, and he was beginning to nod off when he noticed a figure emerge from the front door.

"ZIM!" he yelled, probably waking his family members for a moment before they drifted back into the sleep that is typical of normal people at 3 in the morning.

Dib, however, showed no signs of wanting to sleep. Instead he threw his trenchcoat on over his pajamas, slipped on his slippers, and ran out the door in pursuit of ZIM. It was doubtless that he was plotting some super-secret weapon or such thing, and maybe this time, Dib could reveal his true identity!

The very thought, though most likely totally incorrect, was exhilarating.

And so, the boy tore out onto the front lawn before stopping himself.

_If I run too fast… I'll make too much noise… and ZIM'll hear me. It's best to stay sneaky. Stealthy. And hope I'm not rampaged by a passing dog…_

He hid behind trashcans, streetlights, anything he could find, following ZIM's footprints in the snow. ZIM was talking to that dog about a gift.

_A gift? Why would ZIM want a gift? A wrapped time-bomb, maybe? No, that's too obvious. Even ZIM isn't that stupid._

"What kinds of things do humans like for a gift, GIR?"

"RUBBER PIGGY!"

"…no. No rubber piggy."

ZIM began to think as he walked, and suddenly a realization hit him.

"Who do you give a gift to? Do you give a gift to a random slime? Do you give a gift to everyone you see?"

He stopped and looked up at the snow swirling about in the sky, falling slowly onto his wig and his hands. He held one gloved hand up and caught one, then looked past it to a billboard not far away.

"_Don't forget your friends this Christmas. Be sure to get them something special they'll treasure for a lifetime. Come to the CHRISTMAS SHOPPE OF WONDERS today!_" he read, pondering the words.

"GIR," he said, turning to the puppy making snow angels, "Do you know what this means?"

"Uhm…" GIR thought, sitting up, "Master needs a friend to give a gift to!"

ZIM blinked. Could it be true? GIR actually understood something! He shook off the thought as pure coincidence, then echoed. "Yes. It means I must find a 'friend' to give a gift to for this 'Christmas' thing. Where does one find a friend?"

"OOH! OOH! Maybe scary man following us will be our friend!"

ZIM quickly turned around, but he saw nothing. "There's no scary thing behind us, GIR. Come, we must make our way to the Christmas Shoppe of Wonders, to find a gift."

Dib detached himself from the porchlight of the house next to where ZIM had been moments before and let out a small sigh of relief.

_That was close. That stupid dog almost caught me._

He let ZIM continue on for a moment and considered what he'd just heard. "ZIM is going to buy a present for a friend. But ZIM doesn't HAVE any friends. And why would he want a present, anyway? I very much doubt that Irkens celebrate Christmas."

He put a finger to his mouth, titled his chin upwards, and thought for a moment. Then he shrugged and began to run to catch up with ZIM.

author's notes:

Short chapter, I know. You'll all forgive me, right? ^^; It's mostly short because I had a story to write for school (it's posted here in originals as 'squee' if you'd like to read it. It's amusing), and of course that's more important than any recreational writing. Another chapter will probably be up next week or so -- I have to figure out what ZIM's going to buy yet.

Reviews, as always, are appreciated, and the reviewers usually get one in return. (hinthintnudgenudge).

-megumi


	3. you have to pay for it, you know

ZIM stood in front of the huge double doors to the 'Shoppe of Wonders', staring straight up. On the roof there was a lit-up Santa Claus who was waving and repeating "HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!" to the point of insanity. ZIM blinked once and then refocused his attentions on the doors. He grabbed the handle and pulled it open, shielding his eyes from the blinding light with the other hand.

He stepped inside the Shoppe and found a whole new world. A whole new world filled with red, green, and excessively happy people with mile-long shopping lists.

"What is this?" he asked nobody in particular as he began to place one foot in front of the other and walk through the aisles, taking care not to be stepped on by the myriad crowd.

"OOH LOOK AT THIS!" GIR screamed from behind him, knocking down a lights display.

"GIR! You do not knock down such things! You piece of trash… I mean…" ZIM began to notice the people huddling around him, "Bad doggy, GIR…"

Dib laughed from behind a large, inflatable Santa Claus. ZIM twirled around quickly, and Dib tired to hide himself.

"Dib…!" ZIM turned his attentions from the havoc GIR was now wreaking to the boy in a trenchcoat. "Why are YOU here…? Are you here to try and—"

We never find out what ZIM thought he was doing, because that little guy is way too quick.

"I'm here to find a gift for my sister. Why are YOU here, ZIM? I don't see you getting anyone a Christmas present."

"Why wouldn't I be purchasing an unimportant trinket to give to someone in honor of a smeet-birth? It is the normal human thing to do, like normal humans… and certainly not an alien thing."

"Hmm well I guess you're right." Dib shrugged, playing along. "Who are you buying something for?"

"PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEANUTSSS!" GIR squealed from several aisles away.

ZIM's eyes shifted toward the sound. "Surprise. I must go contain my dog now. I will find a way to defeat you later, Earth-stink."

He took off across the store, and yelling could be heard in Aisle 15.

Dib snapped his fingers. "Drat. He has to be plotting SOMETHING. I just can't see ZIM getting a gift out of the goodness of his heart."

He paused for a moment.

"Do IRKens even have hearts?"

Meanwhile, in Aisle 15, ZIM had managed to restrain GIR from causing anymore destruction. For the time being anyhow. He looked up at the towering shelves of gifts – as precious as the Hope Diamond, as pointless as that singing fish thing. It was astounding.

"Why is it that the humans care so much about this day that they would give away such things on it? What is so special? And… WHO AM I GOING TO GIVE A GIFT TO?!"

This last outburst was quite loud. People from all over the store turned their heads in his direction, and he backed away kind of sheepishly.

ZIM made his way through the winding maze of aisles, the whole time looking upwards to try and find an interesting gift that did not seem too out of place. He inadvertently bumped into an employee, decked out in a red elf suit.

"Uhm.. can I help you, sir?" the employee recited, looking down at the green boy on the floor, rubbing his head.

"Yes! Yes, you can, pitiful store-worker. I am looking for a 'gift'. A very… special… gift. For a very special … uhm… friend."

"Well, what kind of things does your friend like? I'll be happy to help you pick something out."

The worker stood, smiling, as ZIM puzzled.

_Friend. Who can ZIM buy a gift for? Who is worthy of receiving such a thing?_

Several faces appeared in ZIM's mind, including several cast cameos (hey, I had to fit them in someplace). The personas of his class spun around in his head, finally stopping on Dib.

"He likes strange things. Ghosts. Aliens. Mysterious things. I don't know what to buy him."

"Well, we have a whole section of unusual gifts I'm sure your friend will love." The girl flashed ZIM another blindingly bright smile. "Cute dog, by the way, but they're not allowed in the store…"

ZIM turned to look at GIR, who was running to get away from his leash toward an aisle of TVS, showing the Scary Monkey Show.

"May I take him outside?"

"Oh yes certainly. I'll wait right here for you. If you can't find me, just yell!"

"…I do not know what to yell. Do it yell 'STINKWORM!'?"

"No. My name's Devi. You can yell that."

ZIM jerked GIR's leash and began to lead him outside.

Dib stepped out from behind the aisle of TV's, marveling at what he had just witnessed.

"ZIM really IS buying a present! He's not trying to take over the world… unless… unless he's going to plant something weird in the box or something. But that gag's so overused…"

He shrugged and began to walk down one of the aisles, figuring that while he was here he might as well buy a gift for someone.

Devi caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye and walked over to him.

"Uhm… excuse me, sir, but I have a question for you…"

Dib blinked and looked up. "Yes?"

"I have a customer who wants to buy a gift for a friend that likes ghosts, aliens, and mysterious things. Horror films and junk. Sorry if I misjudged you, but you look like that type of kid… what should I tell him to get his friend?"

"Hmm. How about… uhm… _Edward Scissorhands?"_

"This is a really little guy – elementary skool aged. I think that's a bit drastic."

"I don't know. They _Mysterious Mysteries boxset is at the top of MY list, but…"_

Devi smiled. "Thanks for your help!"

"DEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVIIIIII!!!"

"That would be him… heh heh. Got to attend to the customer."

She made her way back through the crowd and toward ZIM.

"Ah. There you are, clerk-worm. ZIM would like to see the aisle with the odd things in it."

"Actually, I already picked something out, if you don't mind. This is the boxset for the TV series _Mysterious Mysteries. I think your friend will like it."_

"Ah," ZIM said, taking the tapes from Devi's hands, "Thank you, clerk-worm. I will be leaving now."

He started to walk out the door again when a red light flashed and several beeping noises commenced.

Devi raised a finger. "You have to pay for it before you leave, you know…"

--

author's notes:

this is a long chapter. O.o; oh well. I don't know what possessed me to make Devi a store clerk, but she is. Fun. There will be no more cameos from Jhonen comics. I mean it. [trying to convince herself]

Well, now that we know the gift is for Dib… ^^; what's going to happen next? Don't ask me. You'll just have to wait until I eat more popsicles I guess. Cherry… yumm…

Oh. And review, please.


	4. merry christmas, ZIM

ZIM whipped around to face Devi, amidst the flashing red lights and the alarm noises.

"PAYING?!" he yelled, "WHAT IS THIS 'PAYING'?!"

"You give us money, we give you the thing!"

"MONEY? ZIM NEEDS NO MONEY!"

Dib came rushing up to see what the noise was about, carrying a GameSlave game for Gaz in his hands. He saw ZIM, standing cluelessly in the center of the spotlights that were now circulating around, put his hand in his head and sighed. He walked over to ZIM.

"You don't really expect to get out of the store without BUYING the thing first, do you ZIM?"

"ZIM needs no money!"

"Yes, you do. Everyone needs money to buy stuff."

"ZIM does not need money! ZIM should not have to give anything for this stink-thing, for ZIM is so vastly superior to you all that you should all be bowing down to me anyway! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

While ZIM carried on about not needing money, and how the Earththings were so stupid that they did, Dib paid for his GameSlave.

"I'll buy that guy's stuff, too, since he obviously doesn't know what money is for..."

"Okay." The clerk smiled. "Here's your change. Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

A moose from one display or another promptly fell on the poor store clerk's head, and Dib exited the store.

The lights went off, the sirens stopped, and ZIM looked around for a moment or two.

"Why are they stopping?" he inquired, walking over to the clerk, who was pulling the moose off his head.

"That kid just bought your stuff for you. Isn't he so full of holiday spirit? Giving is what Christmas is all about! Well, actually, Christmas is all about the birth of a little boy who went on to become--"

The moose landed on his head again, and ZIM exited the store.

GIR was waiting outside, still attached to his leash, sleeping in the snow.

"C'mon GIR, we don't have all night. I must figure out the proper way to give a gift to someone. If I cannot figure out how, then these stupid Earththings may... may..."

The thought was too horrible to think. GIR didn't stir.

"COME ON, GIR!" ZIM yelled, losing patience and kicking him.

The robot-dog stirred. "Yes, SIR!"

ZIM sighed at the utter hopelessness of the robot. "Hold this gift while I figure out the way back to our home."

He handed GIR the boxset.

"OOH! Whazzis?"

GIR began to turn over the movies, let out a squeal at finding out that it was possible to remove them from the box, and set about destroying the gift.

ZIM turned around, confident he had figured out the way home, and saw GIR pulling the film out of the tapes.

"NO! GIR, STOP THAT!"

GIR froze and looked up at ZIM. 

ZIM picked up the now ruined tapes from their snowy home where GIR had dropped them and sighed. Another genius plan destroyed. No Earthenoid was stupid to want a pile of broken videos for Christmas.

He dropped the videos in a nearby trashcan and began his way back home, dragging GIR on the leash unhappily.

"GIR, you've done it again! You have ruined yet another of my genius plans. Although, of course, this plan wasn't so much for world domination as it was a step to 'becoming the enemy'… but still! The point remains that you have destroyed my Christmas, GIR!"

He looked backward, probably preparing to let out another scolding, to find GIR pointing at a small stall down the way.

"What is it, GIR?"

"GIFT! GIIIIIIIFT!!"

ZIM raised an eyebrow, but decided it couldn't hurt to check out the stand anyway. He proceeded to retrace his steps back to the shack GIR was pointing to.

"Daddy, Daddy, wake up! There's a man coming, Daddy! Maybe he wants to buy something!"

The little girl shook her sleeping father at seeing ZIM approach. The dad let out a bit of a "Wha? Huh?" before seeing the little green man approaching. He adopted a very servile attitude as ZIM came up to the stand.

"Do you sell… er… GIFTS here, pitiful Earth creature?"

The man let out a small frown at being called 'pitiful' – even though he owned virtually nothing and his poor daughter was clothed in naught but rags, he hated people pointing it out. He remembered, however, that this was a _customer, however rude._

"Yes, yes. Our crafts make perfect Christmas gifts. Are you a late shopper, sir? It IS already Christmas morning!"

The man pointed to his watch. Sure enough, it was Christmas morning. By about two minutes.

"Yes, I am a late shopper. What kind of gifts do you recommend? Be quick, I have yet to wrap it."

The little girl tugged at ZIM's Pak, holding a sno-globe in her other hand.

"This is very pretty, Mr Customer-Sir-Person."

ZIM took a glance at the sno-globe, not even knowing what it was, and took it from the hands of the little girl.

"I will take this. How much… er… paying must I be doing for it?"

"It's ten dollars, sir."

ZIM flinched a bit. He had forgotten he still had no money. He looked over at GIR, playing in the snow, oblivious to the dilemma.

"GIR!" he called, causing the robot to come to alert. "GIR… where did I leave my … uhm… monies?"

"OVER THERE SIR!" GIR said, saluting and pointing to the left, where a snowbank sat against a wall.

"Ah. Yes. Wait a moment."

ZIM dug around in the snowbank until he found somebody's wallet. (Hey, I had to make this work somehow.)

"Here is your money. Have a… a… Merry Christmas."

The little girl flashed a smile and waved. "You too, Mr Green Man!"

ZIM shook his head. The way humans acted…! He motioned GIR to follow him, and they started their way home. Again.

Dib was also making his way home through the streets, his head barely visible through the pile of gifts for his family he carried. It WAS his family, after all, even if they mostly ignored him. He was humming softly to himself, carrying along his merry way, when he remembered ZIM.

He had lost ZIM.

For a moment he seemed ready to scream, then just shrugged as much as possible when you have a huge tower of gifts in your hands, and started walking again. He supposed that there hadn't really been any dangerous activity going on after all, and besides, it'd been Christmas for a whole ten minutes already! There really wasn't any reason to worry about ZIM.

THUMP.

No reason to worry about ZIM, but plenty of reason to worry about the plethora of gifts that had fallen onto the snow due to somebody colliding into him.

"I'm so sorry!" he said, and began to pick up the presents. Whoever it was he had knocked into did the same, until they were piled nicely again, and ready for Dib to pick up.

"I really am sorry, sir, I didn't even see you com-…"

He had looked up, and saw a certain green alien boy still piling the presents.

"ZIM!"

ZIM turned from the presents to look at Dib. "DIB!"

They just glared daggers at one another for a moment, before ZIM reached nervously behind his back and pulled out a small shape.

"Uhm… Dib? This is for you… for… Christmas." He held forward the sno-globe, hunching back a bit in preparation for whatever odd fate awaited him.

Instead, Dib took the sno-globe from his hands gently. He shook it a couple of times and watched the snow fall around the plastic children contained inside it.

He looked up again and ZIM was gone.

"Hey, Dib, wake up! Its Christmas already, and I want to open my presents. Get up. NOW."

Dib brushed the dust form his eyes and began to pull on his glasses. He was about to make his way downstairs when he turned around to look at the window. There was still no activity from the house next door, but he wasn't too worried about it. He took the small sno-globe off the windowsill and shook it, watching the snow fall softly around the happy children again. A smile crossed his face.

"Merry Christmas, ZIM."

author's notes:

Well, that's it. That's the story. What a coincidence I finished it on Christmas Day, ne? ^^; actually, its more of my being lazy and not looking at this thing since I last updated until sometime yesterday… heh heh.

Anyhow, I wanted to end it nicely – no Doomsday battles, no horrible fat Santas getting attacked, no real talk of doom at all (gasp! How dare I?). I like it this way. I also am partial to the ending. Just because it's so nice and all happy and Christmas-y. Even if it's totally impossible. Oh well.

Reviews appreciated, reviewers loved.

All characters that are actually NAMED in this thing (ZIM, Dib, GIR, Devi) are © Jhonen Vasquez, the spiky-haired master of the Doombees. The only thing I own is the story itself… and that sure isn't much. ^^; heh heh. So don't sure ME. I have no money anyhow.

Merry Christmas (or whatever holiday your denomination celebrates) to everyone.

-megumi


End file.
